Substance abuse, substance dependence, and addiction continue to be a “socially accepted” problem in our culture.  We’ve watched dozens of celebrities die in our lifetime from various substance induced maladies.  More than likely, we all know someone who is, has, or will struggle with substance related illnesses.

I might go as far to say that most of us reading this have a diagnosable substance-related disorder.

I know I did.

The current “Bible” of diagnosing mental illness, the DSM-IV, defines Substance Abuse as

A maladaptive pattern of substance use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by one (or more) of the following, occurring within a 12-month period

1. Recurrent substance use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work,
   school, or home (e.g., repeated absences or poor work performance related to
   substance use; substance-related absences, suspensions or expulsions from
   school; neglect of children or household)
2. Recurrent substance use in situations in which it is physically hazardous (e.g., driving
   an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by substance use)
3. Recurrent substance-related legal problems (e.g., arrests for substance-related
   disorderly conduct)
4. Continued substance use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal
   problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the substance (e.g., arguments
   with spouse about consequences of intoxication, physical fights)

Or, more simply:

You use substances / drugs and that use causes problems in your life – problems like getting up late, missing class, missing work, neglecting your kids, legal problems, family arguments, not taking care of your house or self, etc.

Substances / drugs = caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, marijuana, synthetic marijuana, ‘pills’ like xanax, valium, vicodin, and
oxycontin, cocaine, meth, heroine, etc.

Notice, when looking at diagnosing substance abuse, the legality of the substance has nothing to do with it.  If you use it, and it
causes problems, you have a substance abuse problem.  It doesn’t matter if you get it from a dealer, a supermarket, a gas station, or from a doctor’s prescription.

Substance Dependence takes it a bit further – you use drugs, they cause a problem, and in dependence you have the characteristics of tolerance and withdrawal; you need increased amounts of the substance to feel the same “high” or buzz” (tolerance), and you feel like 3-day-old garbage physically, mentally, and emotionally when you don’t have the substance (withdrawal).

Ever get headaches when you tried to stop drinking coffee?  Do you get mean, grumpy, nasty, or just plain rotten when you don’t have your morning smoke?  You are experiencing withdrawal.  Have you progressed from drinking “a few beers” in the evening to needing an entire 12-pack each night, and more than that on the weekend?  You have an unhealthy tolerance for alcohol.  Of course, the more illicit drugs will also do this to you – just quicker and more painfully.

Fortunately, we know that caffeine use and nicotine use don’t cause too many problems… or do they?
Do you have high blood pressure or experience frequent panic attacks from too much caffeine use?  Are you having trouble sleeping at night because you’ve been at Starbucks all day?  Do you choose to spend $5 on a pack of cigarettes instead of milk & bread for the family?  These are all signs of a deeper problem.

It may seem laughable, but caffeine dependence and nicotine dependence can cause just as many problems as alcoholism, opiate dependence, or cocaine use.  Something to think about is you down that 5^th cup of coffee, or open up that 2^nd
pack of smokes for the day.

Alcohol use, pill addiction, meth use, and all the rest will simply kill you quicker; but any substance abuse or dependence will  eventually cause problems.  As one of my favorite lecturers says, “if it causes problems, it IS a problem.”

So what do you do about it?  The getting help part.

There is a lot of help available, but you’ve got to find the right help for the right problem.  First, you have to realize, agree, and embrace that you have a problem, and you want to change.  Whether it is caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, prescriptions, or worse, it’s hard to get help if you don’t WANT help.

Unfortunately, these are problems that can often convince you that you don’t want or need help.  Sometimes, you might realize you want to change, only to be followed by a more powerful thought of “NO, YOU DON’T”.  I am often saddened by the amount of people who will call me knowing they have a substance abuse problem, schedule an appointment, and then not show up.

The best thing you can do to prevent that from happening to you is to enlist the help of others.  Ask a trusted friend, family member, or peer to help hold you accountable to changing.  You have to let someone know you have a problem, and you want help.  If you don’t want to ask someone in your social circle, find a self-help group, an AA (alcoholics anonymous) meeting, or
an NA (narcotics anonymous) meeting.  These are easily accessible at AA.org or NA.org.  You can also call local hospitals or mental health professionals to get help.

One of the best things you can do if you have questions about yourself or somebody else, is to talk to a trained professional –
somebody who has education and experience in the substance abuse field.  They will know the questions to ask to understand the problem, and the course of treatment that would be best for the situation.  Most states having a listing of the certified or licensed substance abuse professionals – and you should be able to find most of us online fairly easily simply by searching for “substance abuse therapist” in your area.  If you can’t, email me, and I will be happy to help you find treatment in your area.

Other resources that I recommend:

www.SAMHSA.gov – The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is full of great information.

www.AboveTheInfluence.com – great resources for teens including the Ask the Doc section where you can
submit questions and have them answered by substance abuse professionals.

www.TheAntiDrug.com – great site for parents.

Psychology Today Therapist Finder - click here find a therapist in your area.

We remember the ones that happened recently, and even the ones from years past: Michael Jackson, Jeff Conaway, Heath Ledger, Chris Farley, John Belushi, Curt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Mitch Hedberg, Janis Joplin, Brittany Murphy, Amy Winehouse….  That’s just the top of the list.  And now, it seems, after this past weekend we can add one more famous death.

Here’s the thing about addiction though.  It doesn’t care if you are famous.  It will kill you even if you’re not famous.

Addiction kills housewives in middle-America who start out drinking occasionally, then daily, then start hiding multiple bottles of alcohol in cupboards throughout the house.

Addiction kills big city and small town teenagers along the I-94 corridor from Chicago to Detroit – the heroin highway – every year as the mix horse tranquilizer and heroin to find “the new high”.

Addiction kills young people who “only smoke marijuana” because it’s not addicting – until it becomes addicting and they waste their days chasing marijuana or aimlessly staring at the television set.

Addiction kills rural farmers and their friends – hard working people who never would have thought to try an illicit substance in their lives, until someone introduced them to meth; and then their lives slowly rot away in a downward spiral of addiction as their teeth fall out and their bodies waste away.

Addiction kills inner-city babies who are born addicted to crack or cocaine because their mother’s couldn’t stop their habit.

Addiction kills the “every-man” who starts taking pain-killers for a bad back or weekend sports injury, then begins to “doctor-shop” and pharmacy hop to score more pills and greater doseages; eventually graduating from pills to needles.

Addiction kills celebrities too.  Those are the stories we hear the most.  But there are other stories.  Addiction kills every day, not just the days we hear about the unfortunate passing of a celebrity.

It doesn’t have to though.  Addiction starts out simply enough as substance abuse – it can be stopped at that stage.  Know the
signs.  Watch for them in your children, in your family, and in your friends.  If you think someone might be struggling with a substance abuse problem, encourage them to get help – if they won’t get them help.  If YOU are struggling with a  substance abuse problem, get help, quickly.  Addiction is pervasive, it is chronic, and if untreated, it is fatal.  Stop it before it gets to that point.

• Have that ache checked out sooner, rather than later, when it becomes a much larger injury.

• Play with your children sooner, rather than later, when they don’t want to play anymore.

• Say you’re sorry when it is just a small hurt sooner, rather than later, when it is damaging resentment.

• Learn to listen sooner, rather than later, when they have found someone else to listen to them.

• Start eating healthier sooner, rather than later, when the damage has become irreversible.

• Begin that exercise program sooner, rather than later, when your blood pressure requires medication.

• Plan a date night sooner, rather than later, when the disconnect and discord have gone too deep.

• Ask for help sooner, rather than later, when it’s far beyond help.

• Leave that dead-end job sooner, rather than later, when it has depleted your humanity and creativity.

• Read that great book on marriage sooner, rather than later, when you need more than a book.

• Spend time with your family sooner, rather than later, when they are gone.

• Cut up those credit cards sooner, rather than later, when the bankruptcy attorney makes you cut them up.

• Turn a big dream into a goal and then an accomplishment sooner, rather than later, when it’s too late.

What can you add?
What has procrastination taught you to do sooner, rather than later?

But what about the other side of the question?  Do we do all that we can to BE the right mate?  It’s too easy to look at the other person and think about all the things they should be; all the quirks THEY need to change, all the behaviors that need to go away, all the things THEY could do to make US happier.

But what about you?

Most of the time, the easiest correction in a strained or difficult relationship just might be you.

This recent article in Psychology Today highlights some healthy responses to the question, “Are You With the Right Mate.”

A few thoughts from that article:

Sooner or later, there comes a moment in all relationships when
you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it’s all a
dreadful mistake, says Boston family therapist Terrence Real. It happens a few
months to a few years in. “It’s an open secret of American culture that
disillusionment exists. I go around the country speaking about ‘normal marital
hatred.’ Not one person has ever asked what I mean by that. It’s extremely
raw.”

What to do when the initial attraction sours? “I call it the
first day of your real marriage,” Real says. It’s not a sign that you’ve
chosen the wrong partner. It is the signal to grow as an individual—to take
responsibility for your own frustrations. Invariably, we yearn for perfection
but are stuck with an imperfect human being. We all fall in love with people we
think will deliver us from life’s wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub
against us.

A new view of relationships and their discontents is emerging.
We alone are responsible for having the relationship we want. And to get it, we
have to dig deep into ourselves while maintaining our connections. It typically
takes a dose of bravery—what Page calls “enlightened audacity.” Its
brightest possibility exists, ironically, just when the passion seems most totally
dead. If we fail to plumb ourselves and speak up for our deepest needs, which
admittedly can be a scary prospect, life will never feel authentic, we will
never see ourselves with any clarity, and everyone will always be the wrong partner.

To read the rest of the article, go to Psychology Today to finish it.  It’s a fairly long one, but one I found insightful and full of helpful tips to improve your relationship.  It even offers thoughts on when it might be time to “call it quits”.  Take a look – I’d love to hear what you think.

We are well in to the New Year and way past the survival of most “resolutions”.  Even those who set “S.M.A.R.T.” goals have probably run in to enough reasons to quit, give up, and wait to try again next year.  If you haven’t found a reason to give up yet, let me offer you a few:

Your plan just isn’t working

Whether it’s a plan to lose weight and exercise more (please don’t subscribe to the “diet” method), to write a book, to compete in your first fitness event (5k, 10k, half or full marathon, warrior dash, tough mudder, triathlon, or any other), or your plan to start freelancing on the side with plans to leave your 9-5 job someday.

Whatever your goal, it’s safe to say that something has gone wrong with it in the past few weeks since you started.  If that is the case, surely you should give up, right?

“Everyone else”….

All the support you built around you for this goal, they are all giving up too, right? Or, even worse for some of us, THEIR plan is working BETTER?!  UGH!  If your support group has dropped out, or is doing better than you, it’s probably
time to give it up.

Results not as advertised.

You’ve only lost 3 pounds of the 25 you were aiming for.  You are only able to run 300 feet versus 3 miles.  You’ve spent more trying to learn to freelance than you’ve earned.  There’s a good chance you are not where you want to be in the goal plan right now.  If that is the case, why bother?  Give up.

Too many obstacles. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough effort, not good enough equipment, not smart enough, too much food, too cold outside, too much planning…  Too much or not enough – there are ALWAYS going to be obstacles, so why not beat them all now and give up!?

Just not feeling it…  Yeah, there are going to be days where you don’t want a salad for lunch.  There are weekends when you don’t want to get out of bed for that long run.  There are evenings when you just want to come home from work and veg out in front of the tv rather than work on The Plan.  When you start running in to too many of those ‘not feeling it’ moments, just give up.

So these are the excuses that have been coming to mind for me over the past few weeks – I hope the haven’t been on your mind, but maybe they have.  For me, I have come to the realization that 2012 put a hit out on me and sent angry rabid attack ninjas after my goals…. A frustrating injury has kept me out of the gym for 5 weeks, the resulting pain has made it difficult to be very productive, and a slow diagnosis and course of treatment has kept delaying the process for quite a while, and my training partners are far surpassing me already.

I have given up on ALL of my 2012 goals – fitness, family, productivity, travel – many times over.  Fortunately, I know that once this obstacle is overcome, I will be right back on track.  Here’s how:

Amend the plan – I’ve lost time on the goal, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up on the goal.  It just has to be achieved differently, and in different time.

Cheer on my partners and let them inspire me to keep going.  Fortunately for me, I found a great support network that will stick with me even when times are tough – THAT is the sign of a good group.

Alter my expectations for results.  I’m not where I want to be right now.  If I give up, I will never get there.  If I amend my expectations and keep at it, I will get there sooner or later.

Obstacles come and obstacles go – they are set before us so that we learn from them.  Trust me, I am learning way too much from this obstacle.  What do you choose to learn from yours?

Feel it.  I mean really, “not feeling it”… what a lame excuse to give up. Of course there will be times I don’t feel it.  Those are the times to push through and move forward.  Those are the times that make the goal all the more worthwhile.

Give up or move on.
Which way will you go with your goals?

photo courtest of “The Official Ninja Webpage”

Few jobs are as difficult.  No job is as full of ups and downs, sadness, frustration, elation, and joy.  No benefits or salary any place else could even come close.

Parenting.

It’s the toughest job any of us could have ever signed up or.

Fortunately, there are plenty of guides available – just check your local bookstore.  The frightening part is that they all say something different.  In the end, you are left to take a little of what you learned from your parents, compromise with your teammate co-parent, and figure it out on your own.

Fortunately, as long as you show up every day and give it your all, you’ll do an outstanding job.  You don’t have to be perfect, just do your best.

Trust your gut.  You are endowed with an amazing “PARENTAL INSTINCT” the moment your child is born – never doubt it.

Ask for help when you need it.

There is plenty more advice I could offer, but that’s a good place to start for general information.  I thought I would provide some keys to effective discipline to consider.  It seems to be an area we all struggle with – I know I do – and I’ve heard the
stories of other’s who do as well.

• Discipline with love never out of anger
• Listen and communicate
• Focus on the behavior, not the child
• Respond immediately
• Relate the discipline to the offending behavior in duration and severity
• Be realistic with your expectations
• Remain calm
• Be fair
• Do not harm or injure
• Set boundaries
• Make it a learning opportunity
• Be consistent
• Be creative
• Develop rules and expectations in advance
• Use timeouts
• Reward or praise desirable behaviors
• Model desired behavior
• Encourage the child’s cooperation and understanding
• Develop behavioral contracts and incentive charts

You may be using a few of these already – the more you use, the better.  You don’t have to use them all – you don’t have to be perfect.  You’ve got quite a while to work on them.  They work for entire span of the job.

What can you add to the list for the rest of us to use?  Feel free to comment and share!

Or, how to put $60k in student loans to work for you, for free!

It happens every once in a while that the information I
share is helpful and valuable.  I
typically feel like it is, or else I wouldn’t be working in the field, but I
ran across a few people who made it a point to remind me and share how a
particular thought, theory, idea, concept, or even just a simple behavior,
helps them in their daily lives.  So I
thought if might helpful if I share some of those basic things with you here.

If you do the math, you’ll find that each one of these  five ideas, compared to the cost of my student
loans, is worth about $12,000 – use them wisely.

Listen – You might be thinking, “no kidding Mr. Grad School!”,
but keep in mind, I had to study this one, so I am guessing it might be all
that natural for all of us.  From what I’ve
heard, especially for us guys, “LISTEN” isn’t always what we think it is.  Here’s the $12k version of “listen” – the finer
points – stop what you are doing, make eye contact,  pay attention to what the other person is
saying, show you are paying attention by offering ‘minimal encouragers’ like “yeah”,
“uh huh”, “hmmm”, and the like.  The key
to listening is not answering back the second the person is done speaking – to do
that is often considered “defensive”, or just being a poor listener and
worrying more about what you need/want to say more than actually paying
attention to the message the speaker is sharing.

Be quiet – that goes really well with listening; it’s also a
great part of any conversation.  It gives
you time to think before you speak, let’s the other person know you are
listening, and it offers an opportunity for the other person to fully say what
they need to say.

There’s also a sneaky side to “be quiet” – especially when
dealing with kids (or spouses / coworkers / neighbors?); as people, we hate
silence in a conversation.  We can
usually handle only 7-9 seconds of silence before we start to fill it in.  If you are the one being quiet while your
child (spouse, coworker, neighbor) is spinning a yarn being less than honest,
your silence and attentiveness may just cause them to fill in the blanks you
are questioning.

Validate – MEN, pay attention to this one!!!!  It may just save your marriage.  This is a very difficult concept for us men,
but it comes naturally for the women in our lives – especially because they
want us to do it more, and when we can’t, usually because we don’t know how, it
leaves them angry, hurt, and frustrated.

Most of us have a natural tendency to be “Problem Solvers” –
we pride ourselves on being able to fix any situation, especially the one “the
little woman” has at work, or home, or in her life.  So when she gets done sharing about her day,
many of us respond back with, “well you could have…..”, or “you should have……”,
or “next time do this……”, or “I would have ………………”

DON’T DO THAT.

She does not want you to FIX anything!!

If you to make her happy, all you have to do is VALIDATE her
feelings.  Easy to write, difficult to
do.  The basis is this – simply
acknowledge that she had “a difficult day”, or identify the emotions she
expressed (you will have to have LISTENED – see point #1) and repeat that you
understand she “must have felt….”  That’s
it!  That’s all you have to do.  It’s probably one of the most important
things you can do in your relationship.

Empathize. This one
works in any relationship with any other person, or in any conversation or
interaction.  It’s a crucial skill in
human interaction, and one we sadly tend to miss.  To empathize simply means to recognize,
acknowledge, and relate to the other person’s emotions.  As human beings, we often speak on an
emotional level – the ability to recognize this in others and acknowledge it is
a great skill in relating.

One example is in how we interact with our children.  Kids are often impacted the most minute
situations – stubbing their toe, unfair play with a sibling or friend,
something that happened at school.  All
too often, as parents, we tend to brush off the emotional impact of what they
are dealing with, rather than acknowledge and relate.  This can be hurtful and harsh to a little
developing mind.  In can be equally as
hurtful when dealing with other adults as well.

Work to understand and acknowledge other peoples thoughts
and feelings, and let them know you understand, and you will be well ahead of
the game.

Sometimes, there is nothing you can say. That’s a tough one to stomach, especially in
difficult times.  But often when we don’t
know what to say, simply being present with someone else communicates
everything they need at that moment.

So I hope you can put my little bit of an education to work
for you.  These five points can be used
in just about any conversation, interaction, or relationship with another
person.  You can use these basic points
pretty easily and effectively, but you might have to practice then to really
get the hang of them.

So now what?

If you’re reading this, it’s safe to say you are NOT like “most
people”.  Ideally, your read this to help
you in your process of active self growth and personal change.  Maybe you even set S.M.A.R.T. goals for the
year instead of fleeting resolutions.

But if you haven’t pondered those goals yet, maybe looking
back at 2011 will give you some motivation.
Here are a few of the top 10 discovers in “Wellbeing” 2011 as tabulated
by Gallup.  If you are interested, here is the full story.

The jobs situation is taking it’s toll.

Lengthy, cumbersome job searches lower wellbeing: The longer Americans are
unemployed, the more job applications they fill out, and the more job interviews
they go on, the worse their wellbeing becomes. Unemployed Americans who have
been out of work for 11 weeks or more are significantly less likely to be
thriving and more likely to experiences worry, stress, sadness, and anger.

But

Bad job more harmful to wellbeing than no job: Workers who are “actively
disengaged” — meaning they are emotionally disconnected from their work
and workplace — rate their lives worse than even those who are unemployed.
Forty-two percent of actively disengaged workers are thriving in their lives,
compared with 48% of those who are unemployed.

So what do you do about it?

First, if your job search is knocking you down, make sure
you are taking care of yourself in whatever ways you can – destressing,
exercising, eating right, deep breathing, meditating…  All those things week in and week out, use
them to take care of yourself.

When that’s not working, maybe it’s time to consider
striking out in a different direction; maybe doing something on your own to
create income, maybe researching a new career opportunity.  Although jobs are limited at this time in our
economy, we live in a time of amazing opportunity.  How can you put that opportunity to work for you?

Good news

Americans’ weight problem subsides slightly: For the first time in more than three
years, more Americans are a normal weight than are overweight, according to
Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index data from the third quarter of 2011. The obesity
rate also decreased in 2011, but just slightly.

Bad news

Unhealthy workers carry $153 billion price tag: American workers who are overweight
or obese and have other health problems such as diabetes and high blood
pressure miss an estimated 450 million additional days of work annually
compared with those who are healthy. This results in a cost of more than $153
billion in lost productivity per year.

News to strive for

Colorado still the skinniest state: Residents of Colorado are the least likely in
the nation to be obese, as they have been in past years. The obesity rate in
that state is 20.1%, which stands in stark contrast to the 34.3% in West
Virginia, the highest in the country.

We’re getting better, but not good enough.  Judging by these statistics, we all know
someone who struggles with their weight, maybe even morbidly so.  Not only does that impact productivity, but
it impacts quality of life, longevity, and the lives of others.  We can all do better.  There are plenty of resources available to
you, what ones will you choose to make part of your life this year?

Maybe your goals in life aren’t about work or health, maybe
you have other goals- maybe you are looking to improve your marriage, increase
your productivity, or learn to cook.
Whatever your goals, it’s time to start working on them.  What are you doing to make your goals a reality?

So, how are you going to make sure those goals happen once
you get started?  One word:

Accountability.

When it’s too cold to go outside for a run, when the
temptation to eat the whole pizza is overwhelming, when you don’t feel like
doing the hard work to make the goal happen, a little bit of outside
accountability can help get you over the hump.

There are a lot of places where you can find accountability –
especially with today’s technology.

Looking to lose weight?
Check out the My Fitness Pal app for your smartphone or tablet.  You can track your caloric intake and the
nutritional information for millions of foods.
It also adds up your calories and reminds you of where you should be.

Is it time to get physically fit?  Looking to take up running?  The Couch Potato to 5K program helped me do
it years ago, and has helped dozens of people I know.  When I used it, it was a list of workouts on
a piece of paper – today you can get it on your phone complete with reminders
and all kinds of other bells and whistles.
I think it goes by “C25K” now.

For just about any goal you have, there’s a group for
that.  Use them.  Find a Weight Watchers group in your area, or
a running club, a Business Networking Internation (BNI) group, or take a look
online for a forum or discussion group.
Talking to other people about your goal, sharing your plan, and asking
for them to hold you accountable will greatly increase your chances for
success.

Finally, one of my personal favorites, monthly reminders and
additional information – extra advice and ideas for your goals in the form of a
magazine subscription.  Every time I’ve
set what I thought was a “REALLY BIG” goal in my life, I’ve found myself
reading about it and gaining extra motivation from regularly reading about it –
Runner’s World and Triathlete are two of my favorites.  Men’s Health and Women’s Health are great for
fitness too.  When I want to get ideas
and set goals for my business I read a lot of Entrepreneur and Fast
Company.  Whatever your goal, there is
monthly or bi-monthly periodical to support you.

As you wrap up 2011 and start planning for a successful 2012,
these are just a few ways to insure that success.  Find what works for you, and move forward
with those goals.  If you’ve got a system
that works really well for you, please feel free to share it here so that
others can benefit from it.

The next logical and healthy step is to use your self-assessment to set goals to make changes, to ‘fix’ the situation, to fix
your ‘self’.

Goal setting in itself is a fairly easy process – there is a tried and true, well researched, frequently used, step-by-step, fill in the blanks path from self-assessment to goal setting.

The problem is, it doesn’t always work…

Well, The Process works – usually, if not “always”.  The problem is The X-Factor.

But let’s talk about The Process first.  Hopefully that is all you need, a little clarification on how to set goals and implement a plan.  The hope is that through these simple steps, you can take the results of your self-assessment, set some goals, and achieve new things – repeat as needed.  If that doesn’t work, I will share a bit about The X-Factor at the end.

The Process

“A goal without a plan is just a wish” – Larry Elder

Many of us fail at our goals before we even get started on them – this is usually because we fail to set S.M.A.R.T. goals, we fail to set goals that are believable, achievable, measureable, specific, and based in reality.

For example; if you are anywhere near my age, failed high-school physics, and never took a calculus class, the goal “I want to
become an astronaut” is likely not believable or achievable.  Sometimes, I wonder if it is easier for us to set goals that are so far outside of reality – so far from believable and achievable – in order to avoid trying, or to preserve ourselves from the
inevitability of failure (which, if you’ve read here for very long, you know failure is a pretty cool thing).

If you want to take your self-assessment to personal change, you need to set S.M.A.R.T. goals:

S – Specific – a Specific goal answers the What, Where, Who, Why, and When (see “Timed”) questions succinctly.  “Specific” is the different between “I want to be healthier” and “I will lose 10 pounds in the next three months through
working out four times each week and cutting out all fast food and soda in my diet.”

M – Measureable – a Measureable goal is formulated in a way that allows you to measure small amounts of achievement over the time you have given yourself.  In the example of “be healthier” versus “lose 10 pounds”, we can break the 10 pounds into small measureable units – 1 pound a week for 10 weeks – where you can’t measure “healthier”.  When you break your goal into measureable components, small bits of accomplishment each day, week, or month, it is always there in front of you and difficult to sweep aside, making it more likely you will accomplish it.

A – Achievable – “Achievable” is another way to say “realistic”.  Now, I am certainly one for aiming for the stars.  If you have worked with me in my office or know me personally, you know I have no problem encouraging you, or
myself, to set goals just on the brink of “achievable”, but still based in reality.

Is it realistic to think that you can go from running your first 5k to Boston Marathon Champion this year?
Probably not.

Would it be possible to lose 50 pounds in one month?  Not without surgery or a painful diet program with a high potential for relapse.

What about quitting your job today to get away from your annoying boss and harsh policies in order to start your own internet company and make $100,000 next year?  Probably not unless your last name is “Zuckerberg”.

On the other hand, going from your first 5k to running a half-marathon next year, and a full marathon by the end of the year?  Totally achievable – in fact there are great plans all over the internet on how to do it.

Lose a pound each week through changing your eating habits, losing the empty calorie soda, beer, and fruit juice, and aiming for your first 5k by June?  Totally achievable.

Going back to school to study your passion in hopes of finding a job you enjoy and where you are appreciated?  Absolutely.

Base your goals in reality.  If you have a hard time trying to figure out what is realistic and what
is not, do some research, talk to other people about it.

R – Relevant – the bottom line to relevant; is answering the question, is this something you really want to do?  Too often, I think we convince ourselves to set goals because it’s what we “should” do, or because it is something someone else “wants” us to do.  It’s not going to work.  If you are setting goals for anyone but yourself, for any reason besides REALLY wanting to do it, don’t bother, chances of success are minimal.

I think formulating a “relevant” goals also involves taking an honest look at “Limitations” – we all have a limited amount of two very important resources; time and money.  These two resources, and how much we can afford to dedicate to our goal,
may lead to success or failure.

T – Timed – speaking of that limited resource “Time”; it is critically important to set your goal to a time stamp.  Within what amount of time will you accomplish this goal?  The shorter (but still realistic) the amount of time, the more likely you are to accomplish it.  I encourage people to look at “The Year” (or “Next Year” at this time of year), or 1-year goals, and how they
relate to your Five Year Plan.  Any amount of time longer than that can easily get washed away in the rigors of day-to-day
life.

There you have it – S.M.A.R.T. goals have a higher possibility of being achieved than ambiguous, nebulous, unrealistic goals.

Except when they don’t.  Because sometimes the won’t.

Sometimes that X-Factor I mentioned comes along and messes up our chance for success in our goals.

What is The X-Factor?

Quite simply:

It’s YOU.

Your issues, your past, your childhood, your thoughts, your feelings, your attitude, your relationships, your mental health, your
experiences, your knowledge, your personality, your past successes, your past failures.

The list can go on.

The X-Factor is you and how you relate to YOUR goals.  If you are typically able to relate to your goals successfully, I would think you have a pretty good handle on The X-Factor.  More importantly, if you are able to relate to your FAILURES in a healthy and productive way….  Well, then you are doing pretty darn well.

On the other hand, if The X-Factor gets in the way of you accomplishing your goals; if YOU get in the way of your goals, if you struggle to pick yourself from your failures, then it is time to bring in additional help – research, reading, talking, counseling, coaching – whatever it takes.  If you are getting in the way of you, there are resources out there to help.  Sometimes research on a topic can help you understand the achievability of a goal.  Talking to someone else about it can give you an objective perspective.  Going even further, talking to a trained professional can help you open
some of the doors that have kept you from success.

You deserve to achieve your goals.  If you are, keep at it – set more goals and keep working.  If you are not, do something about it.

A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.  – Bruce Lee.