Step away from the tablet.

Turn off the laptop.  Unplug the PC.  Tune out the television.  Take the earbuds out of your head.  Stop staring at the Kindle.  Untether from the internet.  Disconnect from the wires.

Yeah right.  Like your going to take that advice from the guy writing from his laptop, hoping you read this article on your’s…

Maybe you can listen to this though.

Technology is making us dumber.

That’s right.  Our “I-culture” is not as great for our brains as we thought it was.

Most specifically, the amount of multitasking we do with our new tech toys is making us dumber.

I have proof.

We spend an unprecedented amount of time jumping between devices, or hopping between screens on the same device.  Current research reports the average person checks their email or changes windows 37 times per hour!

Multiply that by the amount of devices we are using and the media we are consuming hour by hour, day by day, and you can see that we are on a crash course not-so-smart-ville…

All that multitasking leads to higher stress levels, less creative thinking, greater difficulty problem solving, and overall slower thinking.

Still think being the “best multitasker” in the office is where you want to be?  Check out the info-graphic for more info, then unplug.  Go take a walk.  Turn off the computer and take some deep breaths.  Put down the flashy screen and go do something with your family to get away from all the tech and to decompress.

It’s harder than you think.  I tried.  And I have to keep trying…

I hope they cause you to question authority – one of the greatest authorities we have in our lives.

No other force, besides our family, has a greater impact on our development, psychological, moral, and otherwise, than the educational system we spend 12-16, or even more, years in.

So why do we use a system that is over 100 years old?  A system that was created by manufacturing
barons to create obedient workers?  A system that has proven deficient in our times of abundant information and
connectivity?

These are just a few of the questions Seth Godin asks and responds to in his latest work, Stop Stealing Dreams.

I’ve been working my way through it for a few weeks.  It’s deep.  It’s frustrating.  At times it’s hopeless and other times hopeful.

I want to challenge you to take a look at it.  Do more than look, read.  It might change how you see things.

Stop Stealing Dreams.

Learned helplessness, discovered by surprise in the late 1960’s, is a condition of a human person or an animal in which it has learned to behave helplessly, even when the opportunity is restored for it to help itself by avoiding an unpleasant or harmful circumstance to which it has been subjected.

Helplessness is learned by perceiving that we have no control over our circumstance – that we are powerless, and therefore helpless to change the situation.

It was first demonstrated in 1967 in an experiment by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania.  In the experiment, a dog is repeatedly hurt by a stimulus it cannot escape from.  (note:no animals were harmed in the writing of this article) After a short amount of time, the animal eventually gives up on trying to escape or alter the situation, learning that it can only hope to endure the pain.  The key factor is that even when the opportunity to change the situation – to escape – is offered to the animal, it chooses to stay.  It has learned to be helpless and to not expend energy to change itself or the painful situation.

The psychological construct of Resilience, on the other hand, is much as the word describes – the ability to be resilient in the face of adversity, to bounce-back in a positive way from negative situations.

There are quite a few factors that contribute to a person’s resilience.  Quite a few studies suggest that it is the presence caring and supportive relationships in a person’s life, relationships that promote love and trust, offer trust, both inside the family and out, that increase an individual’s resilience.

Of course, there are other factors that increase resilience as well – like the capacity to make realistic plans, having Self-confidence and a positive Self image, developing communications skills, and the capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses.

All of these factors can be impacted in a positive way.  So, in the end, whether you operate from a model of helplessness or
resilience is part choice, isn’t it?

I would assume that if you are reading this article, you are a resilient person.  One who seeks information to improve your situation.

But what about those around you?  Are they resilient, or have they learned to be helpless?

How can you, from your position of resilience, impact those who may not be as resilient as you?

How can you continue to increase your ability to bounce back from life’s difficult situations?

In honor of yet another new booking coming out this week from Hugh MacLeod, I thought I’d share a little bit about what he has taught me over the past few years of daily cartoons, and two, soon to be three, books on creativity, art, and success stories.

This is it.  Fight like hell. You get one shot at this life – no matter what your spiritual beliefs, you are only given a finite amount of years on this earth to do what you are going to do.  Shouldn’t  you work like mad, or “fight like hell”, to make it a life worth living? If you are not there yet, what are you going to do about it?

You are responsible for your own experience. It is often far too easy to relinquish responsibility for our lives to someone else – spouse, parent, boss, government, etc.  But in the end, YOU are responsible for how much joy and how much pain you experience, as well as everything in between.  What will you do with that responsibility?   Once you take responsibility and do something about it, you might be amazed at how much of an impact you can have.

Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Somehow, we give up that creativity later in life, in exchange for a firm set of directives and directions on how to think, how to act, what to wear, and what to do.  But what if you had that box of crayons back – what would you create?  Would you drawa new career?  Would you color out of the lines?  Would you draw a book?  What could you do with a new sense of creativity – even better, what would you do with the creativity you gave up after kindergarten?

Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb. We can seek guidance, find a Sherpa, and help each other along the way; but in the end, it is up to the individual to choose to scale that mountain, or to stay at base camp, wondering what the summit looks like.  It’s hard to always know what part of their journey another traveler is on, so be kind and help them if you can.

If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you. Plan for it – know that whatever you are going to do, it takes effort, energy,
sacrifice, stress, and sometimes pain. If you plan for it, if you know it is coming, it’s not as bad, and what
you accomplish is usually far worth it.  When it comes to training to run a half marathon, there are a lot of long and lonely weekend runs – I had a good friend remind me once, “start thinking about it now, and the pain is more manageable when you do it”.  He was right.

Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside. Our society tends to put a big emphasis on “stuff”.
Whoever has the most stuff, the best stuff, and the costliest stuff is considered to be worthy of esteem and praise.  We may often become trapped in believing that we will only be worth esteem and praise if we have equal, or greater, amounts of stuff.  But in the end, it’s still just stuff.  Where do you fall in to the “stuff” trap?

The world is changing. Lately, you can’t NOT hear or see how the world is changing.  We shrank the world in the past decade with the internet and digital technology – now what?  Nobody is certain, but we know it will continue to change – where will you be in that change?  Will you embrace it?  Will you fight against it?  Will you be active or passive in it?

Nobody cares.  Do it for yourself. You don’t need everyone else’s permission or esteem to do or be something great.
All you have to do is want it and be ready to work for it.  Don’t wait for someone else to “let” you be great, go be great.

Choosing an easy life rarely ends up with much of either. I have been there and lived that – I have taken the easy way out, and found it to be more difficult and a complete drain on my life.  Hard work pays off, and rewards us with a
life worth living.  Are you taking the easy way through life, or working hard to live it to its fullest?

The secret sauce is – there’s no secret sauce. We spend quite a bit of time looking for that “secret ingredient” to get us motivated, to help us feel confident, or to guarantee success before we start to do whatever it is we are going to do.  The
secret is, there is no secret – go do it, stop waiting to find the secret sauce.

The world will ALWAYS conspire to make you less than you are…so decide what you are going to do about
it, then act. No matter what you want to do in life, there will always be opposing forces that try to keep you from it.  To succeed, take responsibility, formulate your plan, and execute it.  If you fail, get up and do it again, but try
something a little different.  There is plenty of help available if you want it, but, in the end you must act.

That’s why we’re here – to make a DENT in the universe. Just one more answer to the question, “what is the meaning of life”.  Are you searching for meaning?  Start making dents in the universe, and see how that meaning becomes more apparent.

Everybody needs an evil plan. If you stop by my office, you will see this one prominently displayed. I like this idea, I believe in this idea, I live this idea.  We all need to have an “Evil Plan” – a plan to break free of whatever keeps us stuck, a plan to become “better” than we are, a plan to do something that makes a difference.  This “Evil Plan” can be within our current situation or career, or above and beyond it.  Whatever it is, start planning for it – you don’t have much time.
Life is too short NOT to do something that matters.

I’m a pretty big fan of Hugh’s West-meets-East philosophy.  He has some brilliant things to say about getting motivated and achieving in life.  Did any of these resonate with you?  Is there one you will take with you and implement?

To find out more about Hugh, take a look at his website www.GapingVoid.com, or pick up one of his books – Ignore Everybody, Evil Plans, or the upcoming Freedom is Blogging in Your Underwear.

My favorite, the ‘Stages of Change’ model, introduced in the late 1970’s by Prochaska and DiClemente, can be pretty helpful. This model demonstrates that change can be simple, if thought of as a gradual progression of small steps toward a larger goal.

Understanding the elements of change, the stages of change, and ways to work through each stage can help you achieve your goals.  The following is a primer on change.

In order to succeed, there are three factors that should be addressed:

• Readiness to change – Do you have the resources and knowledge to successfully make a lasting change?
• Barriers to change – Is there anything preventing you from changing, or that will prevent you from
  maintaining change?
• Expect relapse - What might trigger a return to a former behavior – relapse often happens.  This is not a cue to give up, but a reason to try new methods.  Each failed attempt to implement change only strengthens the next
  attempt.

Having recognized these prerequisites, knowing what the Stages of Change look like, and what to expect from each stage, is the key to successful long term change.

Precontemplation – you don’t even know you need to change yet.  Often the time when you hear about your need to change from significant others, and may deny their insight.

Contemplation – you recognize we need to change mentally, but really don’t feel all that interested in making the effort to change.  This stage is characterized by conflicted emotions and cognitive dissonance – thinking about change, but not striving towards it.

Preparation – you’re on your way!  When in this stage, you may begin collecting information on change; possibly experimenting with small changes.  This is a good time to put together resources from the internet or the community to offer advice and encouragement as you move through the change.

Action – this is it – this is when you begin to change the behavior or thinking in big ways.  You cut back on smoking, you change your eating and exercising habits, or you begin to alter your negative thinking patterns.  During this time, you may be
focused heavily on the change in your life – it important to give the change the appropriate attention every day – reward your efforts and successes, recognize the short-comings and correct them.

Maintanence – The maintenance phase of the involves successfully avoiding former behaviors and keeping up new behaviors. During this stage, you begin to become more confident in your change.  This is the time avoid temptation and to replace old habits with more positive actions.

Relapse – when going through change, relapse is a common occurrence.  When you go through a relapse, you might experience feelings of failure, disappointment, and frustration. The key to success is to not let these setbacks undermine your self-confidence.  If you lapse back to an old behavior, take a hard look at why it happened.  This is a time for self-evaluation, not
self-defeat.  You can quickly recycle back to any stage in the model – making changes to the preparation or action
stage to insure future success.

You may feel like giving up, but now that you have started the process, it will be difficult to enjoy the blissful ignorance of the
pre-contemplation stage.  The success you enjoyed will be on your mind, and you will want to get back to it soon.   I recommend treating the relapse as a temporary failure and getting back to the hard work of change as quickly as possible.

I’ve always thought of it the saying as 2 parts biblical and 1 part Alcoholics Anonymous lingo.

However you interpret it, it’s pretty true.

Three months ago, I couldn’t walk.  I couldn’t roll over in bed without convulsing in pain.  I wasn’t able to go
to work, but could only sit in a chair counting down the 4 hours before the next pain pill.

Fast forward three months – the passage of time, combined with a lot of hard work has lead to improvements I didn’t think possible just a little while ago.  I have caught myself ‘reminiscing’ about the pain of the past and catching myself in pain-free moments.  The work of getting better, and the time given to healing has definitely paid off.  But I still remember how bad it was, and thinking that it was NEVER going to get better.

There are a lot of situations in life that work like this.

That painful marriage, the one you think is failing – that can get better.  Those tough times will pass, for good or bad.  If you put the work in, if you BOTH put the work in, and allow time to heal it, it will get better.  It helps to keep in mind it is
BOTH your responsibilities to make it better.

That anxiety you feel at the thought of speaking in public, or changing careers, or at the thought of leaving the house – with the right intervention, therapy, education, or plan and its implementation over time that anxiety can dissipate and eventually disappear.

That weight you want to lose, whether it’s 20 pounds or 100 pounds, can disappear with the right exercise schedule, healthy eating plan, and the passage of time.

I can’t think of many issues in our lives that cannot be changed or improved with hard work and time.

I think that’s the problem.

We’re not the most patient of people – at least I know I’m not – and we (I) have a tendency to want things to get better “yesterday”.  And the idea of working hard to make something happen has been eroded by the cure-in-a-little-yellow-pill culture
that is present on our television and media daily.

But it does work – time and effort.  I’ve seen it happen in my office hundreds of times in just as many varying situations.
Today, I count myself and my recovery as part of that pattern as well.

This too shall pass. Put in the effort and give it time.

I offered my take on stress in last week’s article – the information I usually discuss in my office.  But I thought you might want a bit more, so I found a very well written piece in this month’s Psychology Today magazine.  You can take a look at part of the online article here: The Perfect Amount of Stress.  (The whole article should be available in a few weeks, after the current issue is off the stands)

The part I found helpful was the side-bar, 8 Steps to Stress Proof You Day.

Reinterpret a negative experience. Rather than getting angry and cursing at yourself for leaving your headphones in the car when you go to the gym, interpret the return trip as an opportunity to warm up and get ready for your work-out, rather than as an irritant.

Give to someone else. There are volumes of research that indicate doing something nice for someone else makes you happier and calmer.

Jot down realistic and attainable goals. Check one off each day and give yourself a great way to track what’s going right in your week.

Build social support. We are social creatures – spending time with people (not just the ones on our screens) insulates us against stress and builds a support network for when times are tough.

Notice at least one good thing each day. Then make it “real” by telling someone about it – it’s one thing to notice the positive, but we make it more real, and brighten other’s day, by talking about it.

Meditate. It works.  It can actually alter your brain and improve overall health.  You don’t have to be a Zen Master achieving nirvana to experience the positive effects of meditation.  Spend a few quiet moments with your eyes closed, clearing your mind, and breathing in deeply.

Get enough sleep. A critical component to keeping stress hormones at bay – lack of sleep, or a disrupted sleep cycle causes stress hormones to rise and can spark other imbalances.

Exercise regularly. It has myriad health benefits, including reducing stress levels and increasing growth of new brain cells.

All pretty simple steps.  Whether you are dealing with the stress of not working enough, working too much, or anything in between, these steps can help you deal with it more effectively.  Choose one to put into your life each week, and in 8 weeks you will be closer to feeling “stress free.”

We keep a little secret list – some of you may seen it but have been sworn to secrecy.  It’s a list
that ranks major life situations in order of how much they negatively impact our stress levels.

Tip #1 – when stress is foreseeable and predictable, it is easier to manage.  You can plan for the stress and therefore deal with it more effectively.

Amazingly, MOST of the stressors on this list are somewhat predictable, maybe even avoidable.

Tip #2 – Stress is easier to PREVENT than it is to COPE with.  If you know the stress is coming (predictable), and it is possible to avoid or minimize it before it even arrives, that is far more desirable than allowing it to hit you head on, and then trying to figure out how to cope with it.  Now, we can’t always avoid stress – you can’t avoid work, your boss, your spouse, bills, taxes, etc. effectively, at least not in the long run.

Tip #3 – Having a wide range of coping skills readily available when stress hits will make it a lot easier to deal with than having
to formulate and implement brand new coping skills.  Exercising, spending time in nature, socializing, eating right, deep breathing & meditation exercises – these are just a few very healthy coping skills you can practice daily that will help you
conquer unavoidable stress when it comes.

So what about this list, you might be asking?  You can see the entire list here:  STRESS SCALE

But if you want the highlights:

Divorce, Marital Separation, and Imprisonment all rank towards the top – all AVOIDABLE forms of stress, in my opinion.

The highest ranking stressor is Death of a Spouse – one that is sometimes predictable, at least later in life, but still never easy to cope with.  This is often a time in life where an experienced expert in Grief & Loss or Gerontology can be very helpful.  If you are supporting someone who is going through the passing of a spouse, this might be the best piece of advice you can offer them.

As for the lower end of the list, but still stressful – Minor Law Violation, Christmas (reported to be MORE stressful than breaking the law), Vacation (wait, that is not supposed to be stressful!) – all of which are either avoidable, predictable, or both.

Take a look at the list and compare it to your life – if you are dealing with multiple stressors, and not dealing with them well, you may be putting yourself at risk for various mental, emotional, and physical illnesses.  If you are not struggling with stress right now, look at why that is – are you coping or avoiding?  What can you do better?

Forming a healthy therapeutic relationship.  Being able to discuss issues, thoughts, and emotions that you may not have been able to discuss in the past.  Receiving professional feedback from a trained and knowledgeable professional.
Developing healthy coping skills.  Increased fitness, decreased blood pressure, improved breathing, natural
sense of relaxation.

One of these lists consists of the potential side effects from the major brands of antidepressant medication.  The other list is made up of the potential side effects from talk therapy, improved diet, exercise, and meditation.

Both are recommended for the treatment of depression.  Research indicates they work very well when
used together.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen that way.  Much of the
time, people are started on antidepressants and don’t realize the benefits of
the more holistic approaches until much later; sometimes years later, well after medications lose their effectiveness.

You have a choice when it comes to dealing with depression, anxiety, and stress in your life.  You
have a lot of choices.  Make sure you understand the consequences of those choices.

Last week, I talked about Kaizen – the idea that small,
incremental changes on a daily basis will change your life over time and help
you achieve the goals you never thought were achievable.

I would be remiss, even negligent, if I didn’t warn you of
kaizen’s dark side.

When you’re not making steps forward towards your goal, you’re
moving farther away from it.

It only takes two weeks of a sedentary lifestyle to lose
fitness – I haven’t exercised in three months.
I was once able to run 4-5 miles at a clip, 9-10 on a good weekend.  Today getting dressed leaves me tired and
sore.

If you’re not moving forward, no matter what the reason is,
you’re moving backward.

That goes for most areas of life.

If you’re not working on improving your marriage through
spending time together, actively listening to your partner, and accepting
differences, you are moving apart through neglect, boredom, and disconnect.

If you’re not building your connection with your children
through taking an interest in their activities, encouraging their positive
behavior, and setting limits with their negative behavior, then you are
damaging the relationship with inattentiveness, avoidance, and giving in.

If you’re not managing your depression or anxiety through
meditation, stress reduction, and healthy lifestyle changes, you are opening
the door for depression and anxiety to come back into your life with a
vengeance.

If you’re not setting boundaries with how you spend your
time, who you spend your time with, or what you do with your time, you are
allowing others to dictate what you do, where you are, and often how you think
or feel.

If you are not consciously attentive to your mental,
emotional, spiritual, and physical health, you will allow atrophy, lethargy,
and lassitude to diminish you as a person and push you farther away from
achieving your goals in life.

Every day you have a choice.
You have hundreds, maybe thousands, of choices.  Are you making choices that help you achieve
your goals, or are you making choices that push you farther away?  You can’t avoid choice – because that’s a
choice too.  Small, incremental, positive
changes every chance you get.