Figure You Out By the End of the Year
How often do you take the time to figure out you? When do you take time to reflect upon your day, your attitudes, your thoughts, your behavior, your impact on those around you?
As a therapist, I do that all day long. My friend, Irv Yalom (OK, more my idol than my friend) describes “the arduous, never-ending self-scrutiny and inner work required of our profession… always evolving, continuously growing in self-knowledge and awareness.” After all, “how can one possibly guide others in an examination of the deep structures of the mind without simultaneously examining oneself?” Part of the job that is “more privilege than burden because it is an inbuild safeguard against stagnation.”
It’s an honor to be able to work with people and help them. Part of that is constantly assessing a myriad of variables during every interaction – my response, words, tone, body language, the person’s response, words, tone, body language, underlying issues, relationship to the situation, the environment, what I am thinking, what I think they are thinking, what they think I think they are thinking – every detail of every minute of every interaction. And then I take time at the end of the day to figure out if I have been effective in my work.
Yeah, it’s quite a blessing when it works well – it helps those I work with and prevents my own personal stagnation, but sometimes it’s a curse that doesn’t always shut off when I want – just ask my wife.
The point being that, as a therapist, self assessment is part of what we do all day every day, at the end of the week, end of the month, end of the year.
What about you?
How do you guard against stagnation in your life? How do you judge whether you are who you want to be, who you should be?
We’re coming up on that time of year where everyone sets goals – some even set serious ones. Some of us set them expecting not to fulfill them, or just hoping not to fail.
What would it be like if you took the time this year to plan your goals around some effective self-assessment? How could you improve your chances for success if you took the time to assess the past year and to think about what you have accomplished, who you have impacted, and what you want to do in the coming year?
Take some time this week to think about the different areas of your life, and how you think you’ve done in each area this year – are you satisfied with work, happy with your relationships, accepting and appreciative of your body image and weight? Are there things you wish to accomplish next year, or in life in general? Are you thinking about starting a business, losing weight, accomplishing a fitness goal, or any other goal? How do you plan to get there?
These questions can get you started. Take the time to think through them and think about you. Maybe even take some time to write about it – make a list. We’ll talk more about setting goals in next week’s article.
Hey Dan–
Great message here. And IMHO Irv would be proud
. I really look forward to an honest to goodness (and honest to badness) self-assessment around, well, basically all the topics you mentioned.
I’m pretty satisfied with my “on the couch” actions, and part of that is by scrutinizing and screening prospective clients so it’s a good fit.
Main area of improvement is in patience. I need to be more mindful of how my chronic impatience is reflected in my 10 y/o son. I certainly don’t want to look back and have regrets.
Thanks for the push!
Thanks Linda!
It’s soooooo easy to preach the theory of doing a thorough self-assessment, a little more than our day-to-day therapy assessment, but not so easy to put it into effect…. I’ve been pondering it for the past few weeks while driving or in those brief moments of rest; but let’s face it, it sure would be nice to take a day (or week?) to do some good thinkin’!
Either way, I will come back with a complete list of goals before the New Year, and I hope you and the rest of the readers here think about committing to the same.
Doing the self assessment doesn’t seem to be the problem, it’s doing something with the results. I find it hard to change a behavior once I am in the pattern, so to speak. Maybe your next topic could be fixing yourself. Keep writing and we will all keep reading.
Ahhhh, Mr. “Yellow”, that is the secret for ALL of us, I think. Once you see the problem, what do you do about it? Well, one answer – CHANGE it… But that’s a little bit harder to accomplish than write.
It’s like you are reading my writing plans – next week WILL be about “fixing yourself”, or, at least setting goals to get to that point.
Hi Dan
I’ve been trying to lay out some plans for myself for the coming year or so. I fully recognise the wisdom of what you are saying and I know I need to do it.
The trouble is, I can’t.
There are always a million little things that I just need to do first (like comment on your blog). And, even when I sit down and start to try to do it, it all seems too “big”.
I know, I know – break it down into small achievable parts. But then it would take an age.
I think I need to read your next installment about ‘fixing yourself.
I hear you Martin!!! The EASY part is the self-assessment (“easy” he says…) then the more cranial part of setting the goals, breaking them down into little bits – that is all well and good, but then there is “The X-Factor” – YOU! Your history, your life, your issues, your ability to get things done. When the X-Factor makes things difficult to get done, it might be time to bring in a little help – counseling, coaching, reading, researching, talking to others. Sometimes, we are our greatest obstacle when it comes to accomplishing our goals. When that is the case, a little bit of help might be all you need.
I almost forgot – there is a great book that just came out that I just started reading that might help – check out the free Kindle download published by Seth Godin and The Domino Project called “The Flinch” written by Julien Smith.
Thanks Dan. I’ve just downloaded the Flinch and will give it a try.
That’s great, Martin – if you like that one, you MUST give Linchpin a try!